First Event: Welcoming!
The idea & the anxiety
The idea was about the loneliness I felt as a queer political immigrant in Athens. And when I went to visit other refugee/immigrant friends in Berlin at the end of March, my loneliness in Athens suddenly deepened. In Berlin with Kurdish / Turkish / Iranian friends we celebrated Newroz (the arrival of spring and new year), later I joined 2 different Ramadan feast and one of them was in OYA Bar, Kreuzberg. On the wall, under the slogan "Free Palestine", a sign read "without community there is no liberation" - Audre Lorde. People gathered foods, there was tea, Arabic music and so many people from different roots. At one point my friend stopped the music and said "ok now we will all play a game, we will not gonna hangout individually! We will play queer taboo!". I was pretty bad with it but I enjoyed a lot and I felt like I belong to a community. I also realized I don't know so many words written on the cards related to colonialism or racism (there is a lot to learn). I felt as a subject, someone worthy, someone to be heard, to talk, be part of and I felt this with a group of people that I just met.
The idea was about the loneliness I felt as a queer political immigrant in Athens. And when I went to visit other refugee/immigrant friends in Berlin at the end of March, my loneliness in Athens suddenly deepened. In Berlin with Kurdish / Turkish / Iranian friends we celebrated Newroz (the arrival of spring and new year), later I joined 2 different Ramadan feast and one of them was in OYA Bar, Kreuzberg. On the wall, under the slogan "Free Palestine", a sign read "without community there is no liberation" - Audre Lorde. People gathered foods, there was tea, Arabic music and so many people from different roots. At one point my friend stopped the music and said "ok now we will all play a game, we will not gonna hangout individually! We will play queer taboo!". I was pretty bad with it but I enjoyed a lot and I felt like I belong to a community. I also realized I don't know so many words written on the cards related to colonialism or racism (there is a lot to learn). I felt as a subject, someone worthy, someone to be heard, to talk, be part of and I felt this with a group of people that I just met.
This was what I used to in Istanbul! All my life I was part of something bigger than a relationship or a friend group. I was part of a community, a community that directly produces the politics of daily life. I was part of Lambdaistanbul since 16 years old which is a flat, self organized, anti-hierarchical group. No president, no NGO style, no limitations with funds and salaried employee. And in Lambda; I have attended and organized unlimited number of chat meetings. It was like a group therapy and an empowering experience. Also I met with so many friends, comrades, flirts because it is deepening relationships. It became birthplace of other communities too. Lambdaistanbul is also organizing "Tea and Talk, community meetings for the local LGBTI refugees and wider community". From this English speaking group, an Arabic-speaking community is also emerged. So this was also an inspiration.
After I turned back from Berlin I felt anger. Anger comes from pain and injustice. I asked myself am I feeling welcoming here? On the walls it is written "refugees welcome" but when people look at me they don't see a refugee! So many Turk, Kurd, Arab, Persian is hearing "you don't look like ..." in EU. And for the last 3 years I can't get closer to people, I afraid. I afraid of people here! I'm carrying so many fears that people don't understand at all. And that fear stopped me to start this idea for so long. But my self-confidence began to return. I designed the poster, wrote the invitation text. I also wrote a text... a manifesto! Then I was like "maybe people just want to eat kısır and drink tea, don't you exaggerate little bit?" jhjhj! (I felt shy to share at the event but I will add this text to articles/fragments section)
After I turned back from Berlin I felt anger. Anger comes from pain and injustice. I asked myself am I feeling welcoming here? On the walls it is written "refugees welcome" but when people look at me they don't see a refugee! So many Turk, Kurd, Arab, Persian is hearing "you don't look like ..." in EU. And for the last 3 years I can't get closer to people, I afraid. I afraid of people here! I'm carrying so many fears that people don't understand at all. And that fear stopped me to start this idea for so long. But my self-confidence began to return. I designed the poster, wrote the invitation text. I also wrote a text... a manifesto! Then I was like "maybe people just want to eat kısır and drink tea, don't you exaggerate little bit?" jhjhj! (I felt shy to share at the event but I will add this text to articles/fragments section)
I was not 100% sure what was I doing! Who is my target, who will come, who I want to come etc.?!? And the invitation text confused some. I wrote "priority will be given to subjects in line with a moderation" but I was not sure about who is the "subjects". People wrote to me like I'm the spokesperson of a group. Some people wrote "can I come?", I basically said "yes" to everyone who wants to come.
As the event approached, I remembered the "subject" changes according to the topic, that we all have an imaginary "west" and "east", and that immigrants can also reproduce the xenophobia/racism etc. And I made a decision: "I won't question people" because I demand the same for myself. I have been questioned enough! There will be just one rule for the first meeting: no question of "why are you here?" - In this country, city or event! Nobody has to prove other people something, nobody has to tell a sad story, nobody has to prove that they are "acceptable foreigners". Haters gonna hate... but also Queershallah does not have to prove anyone anything! It can be experimental, a failure and It can change with time. It does not have to fulfill all the needs of everyone but It can be a starting point, other groups can emerge here...
As the event approached, I remembered the "subject" changes according to the topic, that we all have an imaginary "west" and "east", and that immigrants can also reproduce the xenophobia/racism etc. And I made a decision: "I won't question people" because I demand the same for myself. I have been questioned enough! There will be just one rule for the first meeting: no question of "why are you here?" - In this country, city or event! Nobody has to prove other people something, nobody has to tell a sad story, nobody has to prove that they are "acceptable foreigners". Haters gonna hate... but also Queershallah does not have to prove anyone anything! It can be experimental, a failure and It can change with time. It does not have to fulfill all the needs of everyone but It can be a starting point, other groups can emerge here...
I forget the tea!
Anyway Amoqa gave me psychological support and also F. said he will cook Kısır. I bought tea glasses and carried my teapot to Amoqa. At the door someone was waiting for me to open door. I surprised and told her "you came an hour ago". She didn't know the event. She helped me a lot with carrying the table and chairs. At one point she asked me "where are you from?", I said "Istanbul" and she she replied "I'm from Tatavla". I felt so happy to hear this name. I said "you know right now all the queer, trans people lives there with Armenian, Greek and Arab community", she said "yes I know, all the girls are there!". I felt so happy to meet with a trans person who knows where I came from exactly and that diversity. I said "I'm organizing this event, we will speak English" - she screamed with happiness and said "thank God!". But she had another plan, she went.
A fun idea appeared in my mind: I can draw a frappe and make a cross on it jhjjh! Then suddenly I realized I forget the tea!!!! I run for Turkish market but it was closed permanently. I texted F. with panic, he said "I have Iranian tea, I'm bringing".
Anyway Amoqa gave me psychological support and also F. said he will cook Kısır. I bought tea glasses and carried my teapot to Amoqa. At the door someone was waiting for me to open door. I surprised and told her "you came an hour ago". She didn't know the event. She helped me a lot with carrying the table and chairs. At one point she asked me "where are you from?", I said "Istanbul" and she she replied "I'm from Tatavla". I felt so happy to hear this name. I said "you know right now all the queer, trans people lives there with Armenian, Greek and Arab community", she said "yes I know, all the girls are there!". I felt so happy to meet with a trans person who knows where I came from exactly and that diversity. I said "I'm organizing this event, we will speak English" - she screamed with happiness and said "thank God!". But she had another plan, she went.
A fun idea appeared in my mind: I can draw a frappe and make a cross on it jhjjh! Then suddenly I realized I forget the tea!!!! I run for Turkish market but it was closed permanently. I texted F. with panic, he said "I have Iranian tea, I'm bringing".
The Meeting Notes
Date: 26.04.2025 Saturday, 17:00, Participants: 25-30 People
Location: Amoqa Garden, Moderation: Ecem, Notes: Ecem
Date: 26.04.2025 Saturday, 17:00, Participants: 25-30 People
Location: Amoqa Garden, Moderation: Ecem, Notes: Ecem
We started. I set 13-14 chairs, people came and came, we kept expanding the circle at the end I think It was like 30 people. Because of excitement I forget to count. The talk started automatically. We first talked about UK, transphobia there, how health system is actually super bad and "gender clinics" are not accessible. Then I explained the things I wrote above, how I feel, how I need, miss and dream a community. And the rule "you are welcome, no questioning of intention, no question: "why are you here?". I felt like this relaxed people. We told our names a couple of times, some people said where they came from - some not. It is good to not feel pressure of this. But once more I understand the complexity of human beings. There were some people who raised in Greece but with immigrant roots, they want to connect with their roots or hungry for non-greek centered experiences, there were immigrants and also people passing by from Athens but they are immigrants in other countries. F.'s kısır was the star of the table. I read some passages from a friends text: Kısır: The Long Standing Side Dish of Friendship. Then we ate and chat : D Automatically small groups emerged, people met with each other talk about food, recipes shared. Later we turned our seats. We went around the circle and everyone said what they feel and what they would like to talk about at the next meetings. Everyone was emotional, little bit anxious but feeling good! Someone said "sometimes in Athens we say slogans and being in big discussions but we forget to talk about very daily topics."
The topics
"What would you like to talk about in the next meetings?"
Then the heavy rain started and we run inside! We continue chatting, Amoqa party started - some stayed, it was a very chatty party. All night I talked and talked. I needed this so much - thank you for coming!
See you next meeting! Follow @queershallah instagram for announcements!
"What would you like to talk about in the next meetings?"
- Loneliness
- Hopelessness - Hope, how can we keep going, staying hopeful?
- Working, How to stop being a workaholic?
- Roots, Connecting Roots
- Anger
- Internal Fragmentation: "when I came here and go back to my country, changing locations I'm experiencing this"
- Anxiety - City Anxiety - Meeting with new people anxiety, how can we get out of trauma?
- Trying to fit western-eye, trying to be western.
- Cultures, languages, language circles
- Emplacement - displacement
- Dating
- Gurbet*
Then the heavy rain started and we run inside! We continue chatting, Amoqa party started - some stayed, it was a very chatty party. All night I talked and talked. I needed this so much - thank you for coming!
See you next meeting! Follow @queershallah instagram for announcements!
